Over the past ten years I have been very involved with my family stories and getting others to see the richness and beauty of daily life as it has been lived by others. I also perform stories for companies, non-profits, assisted living facilities, and I speak at a wide variety of events. Over these years I have begun to notice folks who are especially good story listeners. For every good storyteller there is also a need for a good listener. Below I will outline some of those features.
Good story listeners are curious about what they hear. They ask questions at appropriate places which help to draw out details of the story. They also do not interrupt the teller while they are speaking. They wait for the appropriate time to ask and usually open with, 'I'd like to go back to something you mentioned earlier and have you tell me more about it."
Good story listeners, really listen and pay attention to the person who is speaking. They are not 'pretending to be listening' and really just waiting to butt in with their own story or funny thought. Probably nothing is more of a turn off to the teller than someone who won't let you finish or immediately jumps at any time to tell their own story. These insensitive folks usually begin with,''If you think that's interesting, I have something that will knock your socks off!" A true listener knows when it is time to be the listener and NOT be the teller. No one wants to be cut off to hear another person's story or their insensitive remark.
Sometimes elderly people get lost in telling their story and a good listener can usually bring them back to the story with a question or two about the comments just before they got lost. A good question at this point may even bring the person back to new ideas and thoughts. When you don't understand what the person said, wait for the appropriate time and go back to the point in the story where you got lost. This is where you will ask for further clarification.
Good story listeners understand that humans are infinitely connected to each other through our basic make up. We differ largely only by the experiences we have had. It is here in these differences of experiences that we need to connect. This part helps us understand different cultures, different customs, and the things that often separate us from others. A good listener can accept that we are all defined by experience and somewhere in this knowledge is the way we begin to accept and forgive others. Stories help us see the picture from the other side.
It's my genuine hope that you are a good story listener first and a good storyteller secondly.
