Advice
from Ann Landers
Recently my husband and I began work on the family
memoirs. In preparation for this long process we visited the attic where
all kinds of collectables were stored: photo albums, newspaper articles,
hand written genealogy notes, little boxes of lost letters, and other strange
collections of objects, some of which we didn't have a clue about their
significance, much less how to use them.
Of most interest to me was a little pink box that came
from my bedroom dresser drawer where I kept ‘important stuff’. I had forgotten
about this little pink box, but I knew it would be interesting to see what I
viewed as important 50 years ago when I was a teenager. In this pink box I came
across two pamphlets that I had apparently ordered from Ann Landers for the
cost of 20 cents each. One was titled,
“Necking and Petting and How Far To Go” and the other was “How To Be
Well-Liked”. On the back of each of these
two pamphlets was a list of other pamphlets that I had not ordered. I had
checked the “How To Be Date Bait”, but this one was not in the box. I suppose I never got around to placing that
order.
The discovery of these booklets was a tremendous delight. I remembered ordering them. I quickly read each one to see how ‘current’
the advice was now after fifty years. I was amazed by how well they were
written and by the information’s relevancy in 2013. Some of the advice included:
·
Sex
is normal, both mentally and physically. It’s not wrong; it’s how you think
about it that counts.
·
Girls
who brag about getting boys ‘worked up’ are being unfair; boys who brag about
their conquests are selfish and inconsiderate.
·
If
a boy is too hard to keep in line, you’re better off losing him and instead looking
for a guy whose values are more like your own.
·
Dating
activities should include more activities than necking and petting. Dating is about finding someone who is
compatible with your values and interests.
·
Having
a child before one is ready to rear a child imposes a tremendous burden on the mother
and father of the child. It also imposes a burden on both sets of grandparents
and the community.
·
In
order to be liked by others you must like yourself first.
·
One
great ‘ice breaker’ when making friends is to form the habit of asking genuine
questions.
·
Friendships
are easier with people who have similar interests and values.
·
Keeping
confidences is important to keeping friends.
·
Being kind and helpful makes more friends than
cynicism and criticism.
·
Thinking
well of others and yourself opens doors for new friendships.
To my knowledge, my mother never knew that I had these
booklets, nor did she know about my worries and concerns during this time. Mama never seemed to talk about friendships;
she NEVER talked about sexuality except to say I must wait until marriage to
have sex. Her focus was always on how it
would ‘ruin the family’ if I ever got pregnant and how she could not bear to have
an unmarried pregnant daughter. My
decision to turn to Ann Landers for answers was largely a product of having
read her column in our newspaper.
Somehow I seemed to learn to trust her answers as I read these columns
each day. Ann Landers died several weeks
ago. Now I wonder how many girls, like me, turned to her daily columns and
pamphlets for answers to matters of sexuality, dating, and friendships, and a
thousand other topics to find answers to the questions they didn’t dare
ask.
