It's June, the wedding month, and once again I'm taken back to a memory fifty years ago. It was the first wedding in our family; a 'fancy affair' of sorts in East Tennessee which thrust our family out of our comfort zone in a big way. We weren't fancy people and had little confidence in our ability to participate in a wedding affair. Mama and Daddy chewed tobacco daily, farmed our 65 acres and lived a simple Appalachian lifestyle. The plans for a fancy wedding took us not only to a new place, but also to a new way to act. We had to learn how to act the part of, "the grooms family" and do our best not to embarrass ourselves and the rest of the family. It was weeks and months of learning what NOT to do which all climaxed on the day of the wedding when Daddy surprise himself, and horrified the family, by having an emotional outburst of crying and wailing just as the minister said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Mothers are usually the ones to cry at weddings, not fathers, and he didn't just cry he WAILED and, try as hard as he could, he could not stop himself. Being 12 at the time and very self-conscious this was enough to take me over the edge in terms of embarrassment. I've never wanted to run away from my family as much as I wanted to run away at that moment.
In two week we will have the first wedding of one of our two sons. This fifty year old story is now back to haunt me, and I'm just now beginning to experience some of the same feelings my Dad had at his first wedding. Recalling memories of your children as they grew and learned about life is just part of the wedding experience regardless of whether we show or talk about them. While the events at the time may have produced feelings of anger, disgust, inadequacy, embarrassment over our child's or our own behavior at the time, in an event such as a wedding twenty or thirty years later these feelings wrap themselves around a sentimental story moment that defines us and our children. We're all pretty prone to fall apart and weep because this is really personal history that has shaped us as a family.
Somewhere in this mixture of stories and memories I am trying to find the right way to welcome my son and new bride into their new life as a couple and to accept the change in our role as parents. I really do not desire to create an emotional display like the one my father did over fifty years ago, but I am very aware now that the potential is there. In some way, I suppose his emotional outburst made him more real as a person.
Are there some similar experiences in your life? Feel free to comment.
