For the last 10 or more years I have been lost in the world of storytelling. It began when I confronted one of those career crises that people have when they get a bad boss for several years and you're too far into the career to quit or retire so you decide the answer is to 'ride it out'. The new question becomes, "How will I ride this out and keep my sanity at the same time?" In the middle of this mess I decided to take a weekend to go to the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN. I had heard that this is was one of those events you must experience before you die. Totally convinced that nothing could really be THAT great, I went rather than stay home and rant about my mess at work.
By no means was I a stranger to storytelling because that was all we ever did when relatives visited our house. Every relative shared some true story about every other relative, and many times the stories were repeats from several months or years back. The odd part about this was that none of the family members ever said, "Are we going to talk about Uncle Link, AGAIN?!" Or, "You told that story last year." It simple was never said, and amazingly, we seemed to enjoy it just as much the fourth time as we had the first time. Even now this attitude of listening catches me by surprise. What were we doing and why were we doing this ritual? We talked about living relatives, dead relatives, odd neighbors, stupid decisions and actions, everyday life, illnesses, church gossip, family gossip, etc. I have no doubt that most families have talked about all of these things as well.
As a family we loved to laugh. The funnier the story the better we liked it so eventually some relatives were always called upon to tell their best or funniest story. During the telling new insights into humor would be gained and the stories just seemed to get better each year. Every now and then someone had a new catastrophe to share which was a real highlight. This new story would then be added to the collection. By the time I was grown I knew my 16 aunts and uncles, my grandparents, my parents, and a few great uncles and aunts who had 'interesting' personalities by the stories about them. Many of these people died before I was born or before I could remember so stories were the only way I knew them.
So I attended the storytelling festival that escape weekend, expecting to be entertained, but not swept away. I was deeply moved by the tellers, the stories, and the healing that began to happen as I listened to each new teller. I found my laughter again and the hurt moved out. I became re-acquainted with my roots, my heritage and my life before work, kids, marriage and career took over. I left the festival having touched my roots in a deep way.
Back in my so called 'real life' I knew I was reconnected to the family I left years ago in East Tennessee, and I had found a voice within me that could not be quiet. I simply had to share this former life somehow with my students and my world now. So the journey began with awkward attempts to write stories, then storytelling workshops, books about storytelling around the world, more storytelling events, and more storytelling festivals. Finally I found the courage to write one reasonably complete story, then another, and later I stumbled through the first telling of a story.
It's now been fifteen years since the discovery of my life as lived through stories. I survived the bad boss, the thirty year career, my kids launch from sports into career life, and their marriages. For some reason the last couple of years my focus has been on Mama, Aunt Ruby, Daddy, relatives, and our neighbors. Their voices, advise, and 'truths' constantly visit my thoughts in random ways. In time each of these find their way into a story. Sometimes I often reflect on the 'why' of this process and so far the only answer I have found is that these memories, the stories, the humor, the insight is simply my way of keeping THEM alive after they are long gone. I suppose, in turn, they are still a huge piece of my life source now. I'm simply amazed that their nurture is still supporting me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Becoming a Woman
If you have followed my blog with any regularity you already know that Mama was not good at talking about sex. She had a major hang up with the topic. I suppose I haven't reached forgiveness with her yet on this one. Yes, I understand that this failure comes from her generation's understanding that talking about sexual issues only promoted sexual activity. Today educated folks accept that nothing could be further from the truth. Here's another blog dedicated to Mama and Sex.
Around the age of 11-12 I, like all my girlfriends, wanted to find answers to all our sexual questions. Some of the younger mothers were honest and shared information which eventually found it's way down to the rest of us who had older Mamas that told us nothing. What facts we could not find out, we guessed at. Sex was the number one topic in 6th and 7th grade. Some of the 'early bloomers' already had their periods so the rest of us 'late bloomers' got our information from them. I got lucky one day while looking through a magazine and found a Kimberly Clark advertisement for a booklet titled, "What Every Girl Needs to Know About Becoming A Woman". For me, this ad was like discovering gold. I ran home; read the ad fully; copied the address carefully on an envelope, and sent it off along with my dime which was to cover 'postage and handling.' The ad promised to send the booklet in a plain brown envelope.
My next big problem to solve was how to retrieve the plain brown envelope from the mailbox without Mama knowing I had sent for it. I dedicated myself to being the person who got the mail each day until that brown envelope arrived. It seems like a month before it arrived, but, on the day it arrived I hid it and myself in the barn till I could get it read and understood.
It was amazing with diagrams, pictures and ANSWERS I could understand. I must have read it six times that day! In the front of the booklet there was an explanation of why girls have periods and how to know when to expect your period. There was information about how to manage cramps. Toward the back of the booklet was a list and pictures of Kotex products to use during that time of the month. There were sanitary belts, a variety of sanitary napkins, tampons and pictures explaining where they were placed and answers to such questions as, "Can a tampon become 'lost' in your body?" Here were all the answers I wished my Mama would give me. After I read the booklet several times I shared it with my friends at school.
About a year after the booklet arrived I had my first period. It was there one morning when I awakened. As excited as I was to have finally arrived at womanhood, I still had to tell Mama about it. How would I tell her that it had occurred when we had never discussed the process? Mustering up all the courage I could find that morning, I walked into the kitchen were Mama was scrambling eggs at the stove. I simply said, "I've started my period." She looked shocked, stopped working with the eggs which then burned as she walked away saying, "I'll take care of it." She walked into her bedroom. I stood by the stove and the burned eggs. About ten minutes later she came back with a pair of my panties to which a thick layer of clean cloths had been pinned into the crotch. Handing them to me she said, "Here, put these on. We will need to change the rags daily." That was it! I was horrified! What was this??? I had imagined a sanitary belt and a Kotex pad, at least. Recovering a bit from my shock, it finally occurred to me that she had prepared for me the same solution she had used herself to manage her own periods. Later that day I told my Dad that I needed to go to the drug store to get some stuff. I didn't know what he knew, and didn't care, because it was something I had to manage on my own. I bought a sanitary belt, a box of Kotex, and from that point on Mama and I never had another conversation about the issue for the rest of my life. This was an important lesson for me personally because I took control of my own body from this point forward.
As a college professor for over 30 years I shared this story with my students each semester when we covered body changes across the lifespan. I used it to launch a discussion about the importance of teaching children about sexual matters and body changes. Now as an older woman well past menopause, I look back on this story still trying to glean the many lessons from this small chapter in my life.
Now I present this story for you to reflect on how you managed your own body changes related to menstruation and other sexually related topics. When did you take charge of your own body and sexual issues? I would love to hear your comments.
Around the age of 11-12 I, like all my girlfriends, wanted to find answers to all our sexual questions. Some of the younger mothers were honest and shared information which eventually found it's way down to the rest of us who had older Mamas that told us nothing. What facts we could not find out, we guessed at. Sex was the number one topic in 6th and 7th grade. Some of the 'early bloomers' already had their periods so the rest of us 'late bloomers' got our information from them. I got lucky one day while looking through a magazine and found a Kimberly Clark advertisement for a booklet titled, "What Every Girl Needs to Know About Becoming A Woman". For me, this ad was like discovering gold. I ran home; read the ad fully; copied the address carefully on an envelope, and sent it off along with my dime which was to cover 'postage and handling.' The ad promised to send the booklet in a plain brown envelope.
My next big problem to solve was how to retrieve the plain brown envelope from the mailbox without Mama knowing I had sent for it. I dedicated myself to being the person who got the mail each day until that brown envelope arrived. It seems like a month before it arrived, but, on the day it arrived I hid it and myself in the barn till I could get it read and understood.
It was amazing with diagrams, pictures and ANSWERS I could understand. I must have read it six times that day! In the front of the booklet there was an explanation of why girls have periods and how to know when to expect your period. There was information about how to manage cramps. Toward the back of the booklet was a list and pictures of Kotex products to use during that time of the month. There were sanitary belts, a variety of sanitary napkins, tampons and pictures explaining where they were placed and answers to such questions as, "Can a tampon become 'lost' in your body?" Here were all the answers I wished my Mama would give me. After I read the booklet several times I shared it with my friends at school.
About a year after the booklet arrived I had my first period. It was there one morning when I awakened. As excited as I was to have finally arrived at womanhood, I still had to tell Mama about it. How would I tell her that it had occurred when we had never discussed the process? Mustering up all the courage I could find that morning, I walked into the kitchen were Mama was scrambling eggs at the stove. I simply said, "I've started my period." She looked shocked, stopped working with the eggs which then burned as she walked away saying, "I'll take care of it." She walked into her bedroom. I stood by the stove and the burned eggs. About ten minutes later she came back with a pair of my panties to which a thick layer of clean cloths had been pinned into the crotch. Handing them to me she said, "Here, put these on. We will need to change the rags daily." That was it! I was horrified! What was this??? I had imagined a sanitary belt and a Kotex pad, at least. Recovering a bit from my shock, it finally occurred to me that she had prepared for me the same solution she had used herself to manage her own periods. Later that day I told my Dad that I needed to go to the drug store to get some stuff. I didn't know what he knew, and didn't care, because it was something I had to manage on my own. I bought a sanitary belt, a box of Kotex, and from that point on Mama and I never had another conversation about the issue for the rest of my life. This was an important lesson for me personally because I took control of my own body from this point forward.
As a college professor for over 30 years I shared this story with my students each semester when we covered body changes across the lifespan. I used it to launch a discussion about the importance of teaching children about sexual matters and body changes. Now as an older woman well past menopause, I look back on this story still trying to glean the many lessons from this small chapter in my life.
Now I present this story for you to reflect on how you managed your own body changes related to menstruation and other sexually related topics. When did you take charge of your own body and sexual issues? I would love to hear your comments.
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