Growing up, Mama rarely referred to the topic of alcohol and drinking, but when she did she clearly communicated her disdain for the substance and for those who drank. This was only one of her taboos; the other was card playing. From what Mama said I truly believed that none of my uncles or aunts drank socially or otherwise. I did however later learn that my three brothers socially drank which caused confusion for me since they had been reared in the same environment as me. Eventually I worked out my conflicts on the issue and came to be a social drinker myself, but Mama never knew.
As I reached middle age I began to hear stories from my aunts and uncles that told about their drinking episodes. By this time whether or not they drank was not my focus. Instead I focused on the humor in each story. I love each and every story and was fascinated with how little Mama knew. Apparently the family rule was that it didn't matter what you do as long as Mama never knew.
Many years after Herman and I married we were visiting with Mama while several of these aunts and uncles were visiting. By this time everyone on of these uncles were in their 70's and beyond. On one particular day during this visit to the relatives the uncles were visiting with Uncle Rec and Aunt Fay in Sneedville. Herman and I stopped by for a visit as well and were astonished to see all these elderly men in the backyard garden plowing with the rota-tiller. They all had their shirts off, held a can of beer in one hand, and one hand on the tiller which was running at full speed dragging the uncle behind. They were laughing, telling stories and doing what Mama would have called 'half-assed' plowing. It was a true 'Man Party' and they were milking it for all it was worth.
We were invited to join them and gladly did so because this was a show we needed to see. So many stories about their lives were shared. For the first time I got to really know another side of my uncles. Surprisingly, Aunt Fay was busy nearby keeping the cooler filled with beer. She also was sharing stories about how other 'man' parties involving 'Duck' Hatfield who was Uncle Rec's frequent companion. Their time together apparently always involved alcohol and misbehavior which Mama seemed to know little about. Later on after Uncle Rec died, Aunt Fay revealed her love for beer and her nightly "Toddy".
Now as I approach the age of the uncles during this 'plowing' episode, I relish this story because finally I got to see my family in a more realistic way. Unlike Mama's intolerance for alcohol and partying, I grew to see many sides of situations and people which has made me a more forgiving and tolerant person than Mama was. I am thankful for the many complexities of living and loving ourselves and others.
