Advice and Ann Landers

Advice from Ann Landers

Recently my husband and I began work on the family memoirs.  In preparation for this long process we visited the attic where all kinds of collectables were stored:  photo albums, newspaper articles, hand written genealogy notes, little boxes of lost letters, and other strange collections of objects, some of which we didn't have a clue about their significance, much less how to use them.

Of most interest to me was a little pink box that came from my bedroom dresser drawer where I kept ‘important stuff’. I had forgotten about this little pink box, but I knew it would be interesting to see what I viewed as important 50 years ago when I was a teenager. In this pink box I came across two pamphlets that I had apparently ordered from Ann Landers for the cost of 20 cents each.  One was titled, “Necking and Petting and How Far To Go” and the other was “How To Be Well-Liked”.  On the back of each of these two pamphlets was a list of other pamphlets that I had not ordered. I had checked the “How To Be Date Bait”, but this one was not in the box.  I suppose I never got around to placing that order. 

The discovery of these booklets was a tremendous delight.  I remembered ordering them.  I quickly read each one to see how ‘current’ the advice was now after fifty years. I was amazed by how well they were written and by the information’s relevancy in 2013.   Some of the advice included:

·         Sex is normal, both mentally and physically. It’s not wrong; it’s how you think about it that counts.

·         Girls who brag about getting boys ‘worked up’ are being unfair; boys who brag about their conquests are selfish and inconsiderate.

·         If a boy is too hard to keep in line, you’re better off losing him and instead looking for a guy whose values are more like your own.

·         Dating activities should include more activities than necking and petting.  Dating is about finding someone who is compatible with your values and interests.

·         Having a child before one is ready to rear a child imposes a tremendous burden on the mother and father of the child. It also imposes a burden on both sets of grandparents and the community.

·         In order to be liked by others you must like yourself first.

·         One great ‘ice breaker’ when making friends is to form the habit of asking genuine questions.

·         Friendships are easier with people who have similar interests and values.

·         Keeping confidences is important to keeping friends.

·          Being kind and helpful makes more friends than cynicism and criticism.

·         Thinking well of others and yourself opens doors for new friendships. 

To my knowledge, my mother never knew that I had these booklets, nor did she know about my worries and concerns during this time.  Mama never seemed to talk about friendships; she NEVER talked about sexuality except to say I must wait until marriage to have sex.  Her focus was always on how it would ‘ruin the family’ if I ever got pregnant and how she could not bear to have an unmarried pregnant daughter.  My decision to turn to Ann Landers for answers was largely a product of having read her column in our newspaper.  Somehow I seemed to learn to trust her answers as I read these columns each day.  Ann Landers died several weeks ago. Now I wonder how many girls, like me, turned to her daily columns and pamphlets for answers to matters of sexuality, dating, and friendships, and a thousand other topics to find answers to the questions they didn’t dare ask.