The Senior Banquet

Hancock County did not have a Senior Prom.  Instead we had an Alumni Banquet in May of each year.  All alumni were invited along with the current year senior class for a dinner and dance afterward. It really wasn’t much, just a dinner in the cafeteria and a local musical group afterward in the gymnasium. Underclassmen could attend if a senior invited them. 

My goal the junior year was to find a senior boy who would ask me to the alumni banquet.  I knew it had to be Melvin because he was the cutest, smartest, funniest guy in school.  The only problem was that all the girls wanted to be asked by Melvin for the same reason.  Since competition was going to be tough I developed a ‘back-up’ plan. This back-up plan consisted of Melvin’s ugly best friend, Ralph. My only interest in Ralph’s was getting to sit with Melvin and whoever the lucky girl happened to be at the banquet. I would just pretend that I was Melvin’s date. Just as I predicted, Melvin did not ask me but Ralph did.  I think Ralph knew there was little attraction between us, but he, like me, wanted to be in on the action.

Truth be known, I didn’t know much about banquets or proms so I turned to my monthly subscription of Seventeen Magazine for help in learning prom etiquette, proper dress, conversation; all the stuff that happens at a prom.  Seventeen Magazine was full of helpful stuff about ‘proper prom behavior’ and what to expect on this special evening.  I took it all as unquestioned ‘truth’ and followed it to a tee. The magazine and I both assumed that my date would be able to drive a car.

Ralph picked me up in the family car.  He was a relatively new driver and was very cautious with the car, thus we arrived late. Parking was a struggle also. We ended up kinda sideways in a parking spot quite a distance from the cafeteria.  The meal went well except that Merlin and Ralph paired up and told farm and fart jokes all during dinner.  I tried my best to outshine Merlin’s date with conversation and witty remarks, but it soon became apparent that both Merlin and Ralph would have preferred to come as a couple themselves instead of asking two girls. 

It was a truly miserable night.  Melvin and his date danced a bit, but, of course, Ralph did not know how to dance.  There wasn’t much he knew, period! When we returned back to the parked car I noticed that it was not parked in the same place as where we left it.  In my astuteness I said, “Why is the car in a different spot?”  Ralph shyly said, “I don’t know how to drive too good and I guess my Dad came and re-parked it.”  This was the final straw!  Why had I bothered with this?  It certainly was not the dream date I had seen in Seventeen Magazine. Neither was it worth all the effort I had given to be with Melvin; he still had not notice that I was there.  This is the first time I learned the meaning of “Second best is still not good enough”.

I was determined that my senior banquet would be TOTALLY different. This year I got asked by Herman Lawson, another senior, who had become a good friend and someone of romantic interest to me.  Again I assumed he was an experienced driver and that things would go better this year.  What I didn’t know was that Herman had NOT gotten his driver’s license, and we would have to double date with Jackie and Marietta who were both of our best friends.  I thought it was rather odd that he had never bothered to get his driver’s license.  It was also odd that he did not mention this issue until after I had agreed to go to the banquet. I had my driver’s license; I got them two weeks after my sixteenth birthday. In my thinking every senior had  their driver’s license!  Herman arranged for Jackie to pick up Marietta, then pick him up, and lastly, pick me up. By no means was this the romantic picture Seventeen Magazine had painted. It was beginning to look like another prom disaster.

Herman had been helping his dad haul manure on the farm the day of the prom. His dad failed to get him home in time to clean up before Jackie came to pick him up. Herman called me to explain that Jackie and Marietta would pick me up and he would have his dad drive him to the high school after he bathed, and we would just meet at the prom.  To me this was weird as hell, and another prom disaster, but I was stuck with it.

Fortunately, the prom went quite well for Herman and me once he arrived.  That was not especially true for Jackie and Marietta.  On the way home in the back seat of Jackie’s car, Herman and I exchanged our first kisses.  This is when I realized the benefit of being driven to the banquet by someone else.